This is for my young friend Marie (not her real name) who recently asked me the age-old question on love.
Many years ago, I really liked a certain guy for 3 years. 3 whole bloody years! But he didn’t like me back.
He was seeing someone else, and I knew who she was. My jealousy told me she was a terrible person and I was way better than her, and I believed it. Looking back, my “rival” was actually gorgeous, brilliant, and kind! And as much as I tried to deny it, she got along better with him better than I did.
But I just couldn’t understand it. He engaged me in playful banters from time to time, I also had things in common with him, and I wasn’t exactly ugly! So why didn’t he like me the way I liked him? For 3 years, it drove me crazy trying to figure this out.
I thought maybe because I wasn’t good enough. So in my naivety, I tried to change into someone who I imagined he would want for a girlfriend. He majored in biology and was planning to go to med school to be a doctor. So I followed suit even though that was never my dream.
Thinking that way wreaked havoc on my self-esteem for three years — I had no one to blame but myself. On top of that, I had to deal with the blow to my pride that my feelings towards to the guy wasn’t reciprocated. None of this was his fault. He liked me as a friend and he treated me as such. I was the one putting extra meaning into his friendly actions. If he really felt the same way as I did, he would have made it crystal clear.
So if you like someone who doesn’t like you in the same way, don’t be like me and take 3 years to get over it! Don’t pine away on someone who isn’t interested, don’t be bitter, and certainly don’t waste your precious time on this earth trying to pursue a career you don’t enjoy. (While I’m happy with my B.Sc. in Biology, I certainly regret the months I’ve spent crafting my med school application, especially since I never end up submitting my secondaries.)
There is someone else who is a better match for you. You haven’t met that person yet because the time isn’t right. Maximise your God-given talents, find your purpose in this world, try new things, and become the best version of yourself! Someone who makes you feel special will come at the most unexpected but perfect time.
About that last sentence, it sounds slightly passive to me at first sight, I think being pro-active is the best way to go for us humans.
PS: Oh and I had a slightly similar story when transitioning from elementary school to high school heh.
I personally don’t believe you can go out looking for love, it has to come and find you. Proactively meeting new people and expanding one’s social circle is the best way to go (regardless of relationship status). I think if someone is proactive about making love happen, there is a very good chance that s/he is trying too hard to cater to a target’s likes and dislikes. Settling with someone out of the fear of being alone, social pressure and/or financial stability.
This is so cute 🥺 thank you for being vulnerable about a sensitive topic! If you’re in a relationship now, can I ask if you’ve discovered any more important lessons about love and maintaining happiness with a partner?